I am bored out of my freaking mind right now. But, here’s the problem. I just spent the last ten hours studying and at some point—about thirty minutes ago actually—I reached the saturation point and I knew I couldn’t possibly learn anything more about my subject matter today. I suppose there are worse states to be in. And technically, I suppose if I’m claiming I’m bored (which I don’t need to claim—I just am) then I could always work on my writing. Good plan, I would say to myself except that I don’t really know what to write just yet even though yesterday I had a break through about my screenplay. Always good news, you know. Still, there is something lingering in the air right now. I feel guilty if I do anything but study, but I can’t study anymore.
There must be something profound in the catching of the human conscience. And I can’t pretend like there aren’t more pressing matters than homework. I just want to hop a plane, a ship, even wrestle a couple sea turtles together with twine (which I would never do because I don’t hurt animals)—do anything—to get to Africa or Asia and get my hands dirty helping whoever needs to be helped. Of course, you’re thinking “Jordan, there are people in the United States—right there in Richmond—that need your help too” and I get it. But my desire to go to the farthest reaches of the globe is partially selfish as well. I want to disappear into the depths of the world. I want to go to a village that doesn’t know what a radio is—or has at least foregone technology for sustainability.
The ecovillage on Saturday was amazing (although they do know what radios are…and almost all of the rooms I went in had computers). Twin Oaks is a strange, half-world where people seem happy and are happy and work together in good harmony (not perfect) and are enjoying their lives. I love the feeling of escaping materialism for a few hours (stuff is boring and meaningless) and meeting people who did something different (and what a great place to begin my search). I like feeling like there are more people who might understand me than I originally thought. I like stretching my brain and pondering the possibilities for my life. The more I go through the world, combing for hidden treasures with my eagle eye and lost sense of contentment, the more I realize that a standard life is not in my deck of cards. In fact, I’m pretty sure the energy behind that deck’s initial shuffle discarded those “classic” life cards along with the joker and any sense of social romance that was once foreshadowed but is no more. (the social romance is replaced by a deep-seated personal romance as I lose myself in the dangerous recesses of my own mind and am disappointed when fantasy is better than reality—but, my friends, I make my own reality!). And really, there is nothing set in stone for life. The most exciting thought running through my brain recently has been – I can do whatever I want. Think about this a moment—don’t discard the power behind the mantra…I’ve got the time, the energy, the passion, and the drive to see myself to wherever my faded mountain pass paved in cards falls off the edge. Then still, there are more cards. And the wonderful thing is that I’m the only one pulling them off the deck! Cradled in the primed brain of a monster breath—perfect in its imperfection—take a walk with me and see the tattered edges of maps long forsaken. The greens of trees, the twinkles of stars, the look that stranger gives you from the bus going in the opposite direction, the constant pull toward the unsought are reminders of life—not of a caught-up, strained, claustrophobic journey of premeditation to death.
Don’t you hear it whispering to you from the crackle of dried leaves underfoot?
Won’t you scream when the feeling suits you, catches you in the exuberance or boredom of a moment?
Can’t we just…not plan anymore? Not worry about accumulating honors to impress the boss we don’t yet know exists? Not care what shallow people think?
It’s time, people.
You see how I entertain myself?
Jordan
The band room at Twin Oaks where everyone can play.
Two Twin Oaks residents making a hammock. The community has two major sources of group income - making hammocks to sell independently, and making tofu. Everyone is required to work 42 hours a week. domestic and labor jobs are considered equal and earn work credits.
Spinning rope for hammocks…pretty nifty machine.
The real love shack. this was a building in the middle of nowhere. There was a wood stove (all the buildings are warmed this way) and a bed. This was where people could come to “be together” or to “be alone.” Whichever floats your boat.
Twin Oaks produces 60% of its food on the property–including all the meat they eat. The rest is bought from indepedent and sustained farmers–I think most of them are local.
TwinOaks.org
Quote of the week:
“What’s true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.
That’s when I realized I’m part of the problem. Not because I remind you,
but because I couldn’t join you.” - What Dreams May Come -
how beautiful.
