Some sad events in the past seven days have caused me to question myself and my personal strength, my person-strength, and my personal self-worth in ways I thought I would never have to. But I guess that’s the big lesson in life–be prepared to adapt and be disappointed. Unfortunately, in this instance the two people involved–myself and a person I love more dearly than anything in the world–have been unable to reconcile the differences of opinion. And all the trust I had built up in that person has seeped out of the cracks of the air-tight, waterproof, shatterproof, and insecurity-proof box from imagination land that I had been living in for the past four months. As you can see, it’s my fault that I thought I was enough because in trusting in that person I became an unrealistic optimist. But because of the way in which the whole situation was improperly handled, the fear of losing one’s personal identity, and the misplaced attention to the physical, I have decided to sever ties in an attempt to let that person be what they feel is right while at the same time preserving my sense of self-worth. Every part of me aches for this person; I want to trust them again, know them better and have a stronger connection than ever before. However, I don’t want to betray myself to something that is not giving as much back to me. Hopefully in the future the sentiments between us will change. Hopefully we can be friends again.
This is why I have nothing for you, readers, as a spider diary entry. The above-typed was hard enough to write on its own. So have a great week and live a life of which you can be proud. Remember decisions are difficult to make for a reason–they’re worth it in the end. Sometimes people get hurt. but often they realize that what they want to happen is a selfish projection–like the idea that a person will change to fit your needs after you hurt them in an unprovoked way. Just a silly example, but still true.
Love you friend,
Jordan
Quote of the week:
“Wasted time running scared
When all that love needs is to be believed in
All those springs come and gone
Past like chains of box cars weavin’
But I would be lyin’ if I didn’t tell you the truth
They will leave you, they will leave you
So come now
Let’s go dance to the siren song
Come now
Leave your damage behind and gone
Some are lost to you
Wasted time running scared
All that I need is to believe in
Something like a summer
And I know you need somebody just like I do
And all of these foxes go down in their burrows to hide
They will leave you, they will leave you behind
So come now
Let’s go dance to the siren’s song
Come now
Leave your damage behind and gone
Come now
Let’s go down to the dance floor
Come now
Lose your mind at la ballet d’or
Some are lost; some are leaving (2x)
But I’m not gone at all
I’m not going anywhere at all
Some are lost to you
You’ve wasted time running scared
Now autumn’s fire is ashes on the roofs
And it spins away like dust on pearls
As winter comes to usher in the evening
But all of these drummers go stand on the hillsides alone
They will leave you; they will leave you at home
So come now
Let’s go dance to the siren’s song
Come now
Leave your damage behind and gone
So come now
Let’s go down to the dance floor
Come now
Lose your mind at the la ballet d’or
Just come now
Come on let’s get out while the getting’s good
Come now
There’s no one left in the neighborhood”
-lyrics to “le ballet d’or” by the Counting Crows
My friend Meredith and I went camping this weekend in Baw Baw National Park. Talk about heaven on earth. God lives in Baw Baw.
The Baw Baw ghost forest. The fog and drizzle were perfect special effects and made the wood of the trees change colors to the point that they looked as if they had burst into flames.
