Many of those around me have recently become aware of strangely countercultural, hairlike growths emanating from the sides of my face. I feel it necessary to inform you that these follicular developments, known colloquialy as ‘mutton chops’ are actually the trademark symptom of an advanced stage of the condition formally known as ’sideburns’. First discovered in the mid to late 1800’s, the hairy developments were initially called ‘burnsides’, named after General Ambrose Burnside, the first well documented case in which they were observed.
Some of you may be wondering- Why sideburns, and why now? There are many factors that led me down this road. My great personal respect for many in the facial hair community, the specter of oncoming winter, and the opportunity-cost of beardly maintenance all played significant roles in my decision to pursue a hair-positive approach to personal grooming. However, my greatest inspiration in this undertaking has been and always will be the people around me. The tolerant, relaxed, and decidedly open-minded atmosphere at Richmond has encouraged me to take unprecedented intellectual risks, of which cultivating massive sideburns is only one. The stereotyping and herd-mentality I had to put up with in highschool is much less present here. Having an environment conducive to questioning and judging ideas freely is what college is all about, and Richmond’s no exception. I no longer have to worry about being pegged as a misanthrope or anarchist on account of my hair, dress, or even my love of heavy metal hangover bands from the 80’s. In a world that is overripe with nations of sheep, Richmond is one of the places left that still lets you be one of yourself, not one of ‘them’. Therefore it is to Richmond and the students that populate it that I dedicate my two tufts of burgeoning seventy’s-style facial hair. Pictures shall be forthcoming.
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