Andrew, ‘14

 

Story time.

So I’ve gotten into the habit of eating breakfast every morning at the dining hall. Yes, I have 9:00 am classes every single day, and yes, I’m up late every night either doing homework or watching House. I just feel like the chefs and cooks arrive at  D-Hall really early every morning to make us breakfast, and I want to show my gratitude by, uh, eating it.

Without further adieu, I thought I’d give you a description of my morning routine.

Ready? Let’s GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

6:30 am- My preliminary alarm goes off. This is to prepare me for the actual wake-up I’ll have to suffer from for the next 30 minutes.

6:45 am- My second preliminary alarm goes off. Usually, I’ll pick up my phone and check emails and texts at this time, but I’m honestly too groggy to care about anything I’m reading.

6:50 am- Third preliminary alarm. This one is designed to start frustrating me beyond belief.

6:55 am- Fourth preliminary alarm. This one makes me want to rip my ear drums out.

7:00 am- My official alarm. By this time I’m so sick of hearing alarms that, if the building were to be on fire, I’d throw on some ear plugs and sleep it off.

7:05 am- After a solid five minutes of rolling around, yawning, tussling my hair, realizing that I look like Robert de Niro when I’m sleepy, flipping my pillow over to the cold side repeatedly, checking my phone for text messages I never received, and marveling at how PERFECT the temperature is under the covers, I whip my sheets back and forth in an attempt to finally get out of bed. I tend to physically get up extremely fast because I feel that the whiplash on my neck helps me wake up faster.

7:07 am- I wander around aimlessly in the room (yes, in the dark), picking up any stray clothes and debris from when I crawled into bed the night before.

7:08 am- I head over to my closet and throw on my plush white robe in preparation for my cleansing ritual. I always feel like Tony Soprano when I “don” that robe…..

I know, I know, I’m punny.

7:10 am- So South Court (my dorm) has hall-style bathrooms for the folks who aren’t living in double-doubles (suite-style). However, there is a private bathroom on the 4th floor with a shower and a tub that I have commandeered every morning since August 18th, 2011.

The only problem is that the 4th floor is also our common room.

So picture me: a groggy, half-asleep Tony Soprano carrying a towel, soap and shampoo, stumbling up a flight of stairs in search of my golden shower. There are usually one or two early-birds up there doing homework, so I always ask permission if I can use the bathroom (even though I’m gonna use it anyway).

In my head I’m asking, “Can I use the shower?” However, I’m so tired that when I finally reach the top of the stairs I manage to blurt out, “Yeeeeah, so I uh need to, uhh, <insert long sigh> use that uhhh bathroom for the shower that’s in it, and I’ll shut the door and stuff so the steam doesn’t bother y’all and uhh I’ll hurry and if you do like the steam I’ll  crack the door…”

Anyways, I hop in there and take glorious showers every morning.

7:25 am- Feeling refreshed, I stride out of the bathroom completely naked except for my tied-up robe and Crocs, eager to get a start on my day. When I get back to the room, I make my bed, pull out some kind of ironic t-shirt that I’ll wear under my North Face, and check my phone for text messages I still haven’t received.

7:45 am- Fully dressed, I walk over to the hall bathroom to brush my teeth. There is a custodian that is always on our floor at that time, so I get to find out from him what the weather is like outside. One of these days I’m going to start referring to him as “meteorologist” because his weather advice literally dictates what I end up wearing that morning.

8:00 am- With a dramatic swing of my backpack, I’m ready to start the journey towards the dining hall. Along the way, I get to think about the fog that hasn’t quite dissipated yet, the worthlessness of sparrows and their incessant chirping in the mornings, and whether or not the Houston Astros will lose more than 100 games this year (I bet they will).

8:05 am-  I get to the dining hall and immediately head to the convenience store, ETC. I always buy an Arizona Tea to start my day. Then, I swipe into the actual dining area and make a beeline for the omelet station. I don’t even pick out a table or grab a tray. I know that the omelets take a while to cook, and if I have to stand in a long line I’ll end up being there for hours. After I grab my stuffed egg masterpiece, I grab some fruit from the salad bar and coffee from the drink lines.

8:15: am- I devour my meal while reading the New York Times on my iPad. I have to read the paper every day for my journalism classes, and it’s a great way to stimulate my brain early in the morning. I also tend to check TMZ to see what happened to “America’s finest” during the previous night. I gravitate towards celebrity train wrecks, for some reason.

8:45 am- After dropping off my tray, I waddle over to my 9:00 am class.

Hopefully I haven’t put y’all to sleep. I, however, feel like that poor cat in the food bowl right now. I just finished one of my most strenuous weeks in terms of schoolwork, so I’m a bit burned out.

Therefore, to quote every teen that was born after 1990:

ttyl.